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Theatrical Review: Polymorph (1995)

Picked this one off Netflix, which I think might be a fair source of some probably choice, overlooked death scenes. I still think so, but like back in the old days of having to rent out the odd VHS at the neighborhood video rental and hoping that out of the four tapes I’ve rented, I’d be rewarded with a particularly juicy scene. Sometimes that works out and you get “City of the Walking Dead” and “Demon Warp”, a cheesy science fiction story about an alien who feeds upon the disembodied hearts of busty sacrificial babes. Some times you get nothing but off screen deaths, if anything at all, and sometimes what you get is a film that has more than one death scene and everyone a disappointment. Polymorph is that movie; A huge disappointment. The redeeming (get it?) feature though is that with Netflix, you avoid the girl at the rental counter announcing your late returns to everyone in earshot. As for the movie “Demon Warp”, sadly, it passed away with VHS and the neighborhood video store. Too bad.

Polymorph is a low budget sci-fi movie marked with bad special effects and terrible acting, looked as if have been produced by people with ego’s that far exceed their talent. I know we usually don’t concern ourselves with such detail as long as the babes are fairly good looking and die in admirable fashion. I’m sorry to say that doesn’t happen. Check out the pictures and judge for yourself.

In this horrendous excuse for entertainment, an alien spacecraft lobs an advance scout towards Earth and lands in a pond near a wooded area not far from the trailer home of a female drug runner who is forced to kill a prying federal agent. She drags the body to the pond and becomes infected with the green essence of the alien intruder who takes over her body. She’s not alone in her illicit activities however, and is soon joined by the rest of her gang. But wait, that’s not all. A group of college students decide to go hiking in the area looking for some geological specimens and discover the field trip from hell instead.

The first victim is a young blond student popped thru the back of the head execution style by yet another female drug runner apparently for sport and utter vindictiveness. If you’re into head wound executions you might find this appealing in its depiction. That is, If the acting were more convincing. Don’t worry about the blonde though, you will see her again, This is after all, a movie about an alien that zombiefies the dead and she will return but not before her executioner is blown away by a shotgun blast to the torso, leaving a large gaping hole in her shirt and even larger red stain. She’s done in all to quickly and in a kind of per functionary manner for the scene to be considered the least erotic, and in her death, we don’t feel the satisfying feeling we get when a beautiful, evil and arrogant bad girl gets her just comeuppance. Rather, we’re glad she’s gone because she’s just an unpleasant actress. Thank you, please don’t call again.

Then there’s the original infected drug running babe. Where did she go? No where. All of the action I mentioned takes place in a small clearing featuring a show-down between the drug runners and the armed college students. Don’t worry about how they got armed. It doesn’t matter and it’s uninteresting. Anyway, or alien infected drug runner is in the clearing as well and gets herself righteously popped mid-torso with a nine millimeter handgun, which, by itself, doesn’t seem to do the trick even though the special effects makes it look as though she was hit with a shaped charged anti-tank weapon. It takes a submachine gun to put her down, whereupon the alien is forced to flee the body and find refuge in the blonde. The blonde gets to die again, but even those individuals interested in bizarre off the wall deaths will find this pretty lame. The blonde simply has the green luminescence plucked out of her mouth and thrown aside. The blonde just collapses in a heap without eyeballs (the eyeballs glow green when you’re inhabited), leaving you shaking your head. Avoid this critter if you ever come across it. In sacrificing my time, I hope to have saved you a rental.

See you soon.



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